The customer is technologically inept. From asking where the internet explorers are to thinking that component video also carries sound, they really excel at ignorance at your local Wal-Mart. For one thing, you shouldn't be asking someone at Wal-Mart any kind of tech questions at all. It happens that at our Wal-Mart we have several people who know technical information. But you as the customer aren't really interested in technical information. You aren't interested in the fact that your new computer doesn't work properly because you screwed something up in the setup process. You think that the CD drive is a cup holder. You think that widescreen movies have had something cropped off of them. This is because you are misinformed. When you are given the correct information and you insist that this new information is wrong, then that makes you a moron. Yes, I said it. If you are corrected on something and you refuse to learn, you are a moron. You're a moron because you choose to be. No one is born a moron. You have made a series of life choices that made you what you are (moron).

The customer is a thief. While you the customer pay the bills by buying stuff, when you order a cup of popcorn chicken and then don't pay for it, leaving it on the shelf somewhere for us to clean up, you are a thief. When you return a bag of frozen rolls because you thought you were buying biscuits, you are a thief. When you return something because you didn't like the flavor, you are a thief. You are not entitled to a pleasant food experience when you are trying something new. And how bad off are you that you can't spare $3 on a fucking bag of rolls? I work at Wal-Mart and make less than the poverty line a year and I can spare $3. And you know what? I own my own home. You have no excuse.

The customer is always a jerk. Don't feed me the bipolar excuse, shut your mouth if you have nothing nice to say. Contrary to your opinion, the person in the blue vest isn't interested in your opinion. Because you are the customer, you don't know what you're talking about. The person who works with this item every day is far above you in knowing its proper use. Treating them like crap doesn't get you anything except a special place in hell. You can avoid Wal-Mart if you wish, but all retail personnel feel like this most of the time when dealing with you.

The customer is always an interruption. Please try to remember this when you ask someone where something is. We will gladly help you find it, but keep the fact that you are an interruption at the forefront of your thinking so as to avoid being a jerk. When you say that you bought it here last week, you are a liar. We haven't carried it in three years. I am certain that you bought it at another Wal-Mart, and we will probably never carry this item again. The home office is adept at making sure we don't have what the customer wants, that way they don't have to pay as big a bonus in April.

If the customer is the boss, the boss needs to get off his ass and do something for himself once in a while. You are quite capable of putting minutes on your own damned prepaid cell phone. Whose phone is it? If it's not mine, then I'm not adding minutes to it. It's one of the easiest things you will ever do. It's the same idea behind buying groceries to refill your fridge when it's empty. You figured that out didn't you? Well, figure this out. The phone, while it is a piece of technology, is not capable of hurting you. It will cause you no pain, it will not simply cease to function because you FOLLOWED WRITTEN DIRECTIONS. If you can't read, public education has been paid by taxes for years, you need to get in there and learn how. A six year old can do it for God's sake, are you saying that a six year old deserves to be in charge of you?

To all the good customers who buy all of your stuff without complaining and hook up your own tv's correctly and replace equipment when it breaks without blaming it on the sales associate I thank you. You are a rare breed. You are very special indeed. Keep up the good work, it is a pleasure working for you. You almost make it possible to deal with the rest of them.