I have a good story to tell you this time, whoever you are. It's a true story of course, with some input from me being mostly rash statements designed to inflame.

There's this guy at Wal-Mart who works ICS. ICS means inventory control something or other. Basically they are the overnight stockers of the day. I was off when this happened, but his son died a few weeks ago. He was only sixteen. I don't know the circumstances, I just know he was gone for two weeks or something close to that. Obviously he went to the funeral and spent time with relatives, the usual grieving activities I imagine. He applies for bereavement pay, and fully expects to get it. The Home Office decides he doesn't get to have any bereavement pay, no sick pay, no nothing, just absent from work for two weeks. Their reasoning? He was behind on his child support.

Where to start with this one? I'm having a hard time thinking of a way to categorize just how wrong the company is in this instance. Is it their responsibility to make sure their employees are paying child support? Is it any of their business whether he's behind? Is there any reason on our earth why he shouldn't get bereavement pay for attending his SON'S funeral? He was probably behind because he wasn't getting paid shit to be here working for this mentally unstable company. Our store manager is trying to get this fixed, but the company isn't budging. Why? Where do they get off denying him what is rightfully his? At the most 2 weeks pay for his position is around $700 (I only make $500 every two weeks, but he's been here longer). Do you think a company that profited $10.6 billion last year can spare $700? I think they can.

The extent to which this pisses me off is not even scratched here in this blog. If a pregnant woman were to loudly disagree with me it would take every fiber of my being not to resort to violence. I'm talking about assaulting a pregnant lady here if she thinks Wal-Mart is justified in not paying this man. If every store in the country burned down tomorrow, I would laugh my ass off. I'd bring some hot dogs to my store so I could get something out of it. Who in the wild Blue sometimes Gray FUCK do they think they are? I make, after taxes, $13,000/year working for this fucking shitty immoral hateful racist fucked up company. Let's call that profit. $81,538.46 is equivalent to one penny of my income proportionally. That's 116 times the two weeks pay this man should be paid. They must get their whores cheap. They won't relinquish .008% of one cent to relieve this man's financial burden incurred by missing two weeks work. They've just said, "Fuck your son, fuck your family, and fuck you Mr. Associate." If I give this man $20 tomorrow, I will have given proportionally two million times more than Wal-Mart is willing to give, and all because I know it's none of my business whether he's up to date on child support. Always low wages, always.

Today at work they had the Human Resources guy from district level at our store holding meetings where we can bitch freely and he will try to respond to us. His job from what I can see is to relate the company's perspective to the associates with the most positive spin imaginable. Not that Wal-Mart is doing this, but if they were killing babies, he would find a way to make you forget your questions and objections while explaining how this was the only cost effective measure they could take against the babies.

I don't know why I suddenly forget all my questions and my mind becomes a butter knife suitable for only cutting the warmest of spreadable lipids whenever I get in front of the person I want to ask the questions to. This is why I need to write stuff down before hand. I would have done this but my hands were tied. The only cost effective method of writing this stuff down was to play Call of Duty 2 for three hours last night and then go to sleep. It would have been a nice thing to do but if you look at the big picture you are actually being selfish for expecting more from me. Obviously these two short paragraphs have been an effort for me to put you in my position in this meeting. I can say that we are evaluating the possibility of improving the effectiveness of this blog, and we'll definitely have something in place in the near future that will deal with this issue.

If you haven't figured it out yet, most of what I do here is complain about stuff. Sometimes I try to be funny, and sometimes it even works. On that note...

Here is an article about how Wal-Mart is shifting to a more part-time work force. To quote the article:

"Wal-Mart executives say they embraced the new policies for a large number of their 1.3 million workers to better serve customers, the newspaper said. But some Wal-Mart workers say the changes are further reducing their modest incomes and putting a strain on personal lives, the newspaper reported."

How would you feel if you had worked for Wal-Mart for the last 10 years, making $15/hour, and they suddenly change your position to part time? Also, with pay caps in force, if you are making more than the cap is, you can keep your rate of pay, but if you change positions, you have to accept the pay cap for that position. So, if they change your position to a part time position, you could be looking at a $4/hour paycut. They are honestly hoping that you will quit so they don't have to pay you anymore. To better serve customers they say? Sam Walton said that if you take care of your people, they will take care of the customer. How is this policy taking care of your people? If I just got a paycut because of restructuring, do you think I'm really going to give a shit if you can't find The Gilmore Girls Season 5 on DVD? Do you think I'm going to give you any information on that new laptop or talk to the Blue Bell vendor to see if he has that flavor of ice cream you want? Mull that one over Mr. Wal-Mart Decision Maker. You'll say I'm just not a dedicated associate. You're right, I'm a mercenary. I'm here working for you for money. I'm not working for the thrill of victory, or for the moral satisfaction of helping stupid people use amazingly easy to use products. I'm not here because I love the blue vest or because I want a date with a certain cashier. I'm here for the damned money. I would think this would be obvious. All other considerations are secondary. If I can't pay my bills, then it's awfully hard to keep my chin up and kick major ass at work.

Another Quote:

"Investment analysts and store managers say Wal-Mart executives have told them the company wants to transform its work force to 40 percent part-time from 20 percent, the Times reported.
Wal-Mart denies it has a goal of 40 percent part-time workers, although company officials said part-timers now comprise 25 percent to 30 percent of its workers, up from 20 percent last October, according to the newspaper."

You deny that is your goal? Are you saying that the store managers are lying? If they're such liars, why did you trust their character enough to make them store managers? Obviously the store managers got this information from somewhere. They didn't just make this up. I know this article is from the New York Times which is not the most reliable source these days, but seriously is this not just a line of crap they are feeding us?

Every day in the Wal-Mart daily news, which is a .pdf file of short news stories available to Wal-Mart associates on work computers, there are all these articles about how great Wal-Mart is doing and how they are being so environmentally aware these days. I don't deny this, but why couple this environmental move with a sudden hatred for your workers? I can smell a union coming on and you did it all to yourself there, hero. You feed us these lies and hope it will make us feel better about how much it is starting to suck to work here? Do you think I'm stupid or complacent enough to actually believe you? Do you actually believe the letters you get in your associates speak out section that talk about how great the company is, but they only ever some from District level management, distribution centers, or Home Office Associates? Regular store people don't talk about how great it is to work for Wal-Mart because it fucking isn't great to work for you. Prove me wrong, I really want you to. I will eat a half cup of Hellmans with no chaser if you prove me wrong. I'll eat a raw tomato with no water to wash it down with if you prove me wrong. I really hate tomatoes. Come on, feed me a tomato. I know you can do it, but you won't do it. You don't care enough to make me eat a tomato.

Two days ago we learned that our landlord decided to steal our security deposit from us. She also stole our lawnmower and a few of my power tools along with a worthless treadmill and a broken fan. As a result, we left the remaining mess in the back yard. She should have fun cleaning that up with her "broken foot." I would go into more detail, but it will just piss me off. Just don't rent from Debbie Moore of Bowie, Texas. I wonder if that's lawsuit material.

I was actually kind of happy to hear that she was a thieving whore because I really didn't want to clean up that shit out of the back yard, and I really didn't want to mow the lawn. There's a good side to everything. I was trying to figure out what the right response was to her crap, and I think the unexpected thing would be to clean the rest of the stuff, paint the house, and perhaps build some sort of garage, and also installing an inground pool. I no longer wonder why people leave their houses in shitty shape when they leave as renters. It seems that most landlords are worthless sons of bitches that lie and cheat and steal. I pledge, as a fledgling landlord, not to be this way. I'll even help you clean the house when you are moving out, and give you back your deposit with interest. I will shine like a Jesus among landlords. This is why I need to make more money, so I can buy all the houses from all the assmonger landlords in this town and make it a better place to live.

I am the landlord.

I am posting this from my own house. I own it, it is mine. Well, it's mine for something or other a month. We finally finished painting on Thursday of last week. Moving the stuff here was the easy part. A nice lady from work lent us a trailer to load enormous amounts of crap onto, which cut our trips back and forth by 3/4 easily. It's good to have friends.

I have set up the video game center first, obviously. I haven't even gotten the wires off the floor. This is a clear demonstration of my priorities.

According to the book, Pirates 2, Clerks 2, Broken Bridges (don't know about this one), and Snakes On A Plane all get released the same day in my Wal-Mart. I think it's the first Tuesday in December. It's somewhere around there anyway. We always release on a Tuesday. Right there is at least $60 I have to spend on DVD's, not to mention Cars, which comes out a couple of weeks before. Cars was cool, kids movie or not. Definitely check it out, the animation is excellent. How am I going to get $80 all at once? Are you telling me I have to budget and save something aside? Preposterous!

Some sixteen year old kid decided to steal a knife on Monday. He used a razor to cut the top off of the package, then proceeds to cut the living fuck out of his hand getting it out of the package. He then goes up front and claims he cut it on a shelf, and the store ends up paying for his hospital trip to get his hand stitched up. We didn'tk now he cut it on a piece of thievery until the other day when we found a bloody knife package. I think we should take the stitches back out of his hand. The son of a bitch. Where are his parents? Why wasn't he in school? His parents should beat the living fuck out of him. I know my ass would have gotten spanked at sixteen if I cut school to steal a knife and ended up in the hospital. No, I would have not fought back against my Dad even as a teenager, because he is stronger than me. Also, I wasn't that kind of kid. My parents cared about me. They didn't leave me to be raised by the TV or by my teachers. I can feel some kind of preaching coming on, so I'm cutting this short.

In their infinite corporate wisdom, Wal-Mart decided to have me and about eight other department managers unload the truck this morning at 8:45am. Some of us were very upset, I was sort of irritated. I wasn't doing anything anyway, because I'm done. Running my department is like driving for hours along a straight flat highway. It's just not that hard to keep it going straight, minor adjustments are all you need. So, when I say I'm done I am, except for the four or five carts of backstock that need to be worked. I could work these, but they represent at most about two hours of constant effort for one person. I usually wait until my sales associate comes in and we work it together. We got it done, all she had left to do was one cart and then all that's left is the new freight. Overnighters do that, so there's really no pressure. Given that as my situation, unloading the truck in one hour wasn't a detriment to my workload. I actually rather enjoyed it.

The problem is when the unloaders show up at 2, there won't be shit for them to do. They are after all unloaders, their sole purpose is to work the truck. They get paid less than we do. So the company just wasted man hours unloading a truck six hours early for no reason at all. There was no second truck coming in later, I checked. They worked most of the freight up, and the unloaders can easily finish what's left, so the overnight shift will have absolutely nothing to do. I just don't understand the reason for having us unload it that early. Why can't they tell us why? Is it such a Goddamned secret? Also, the other department managers had things that needed to be done. They just called all the large male people they could think of to unload. Just because I'm not doing much in the morning doesn't mean they don't have a different routine. Many of them only have one person besides them for their department all week. They have to work much harder than I do to get things done. On top of that I know for sure that a couple of them have worthless helpers that don't do shit all day. Please, leave the unloading to the unloaders, and let the department managers do the department managing.

I could say I didn't update yesterday as a way to have a moment of silence for 9/11, but I'm not nearly superficial enough nor important enough to pull that one off. If I ever do get so famous that people expect my blog every day, then I will definitely have a no post day with no explanation on 9/11. If you're going to do something for someone, you should be willing to keep your motivations hidden, as to make sure you aren't really doing it to make yourself feel better.

So, we're moving in one week from midnight and I haven't packed anything. I haven't even packed up age old cd's and empty cd cases. I still have the Halo books on the shelf. Certainly my life could go on without the Halo books. Why do I own Halo books? I was desperate to know more of that world. I thought, with proper writing those books could be awesome. The first book, called The Fall Of Reach, focused on the origins of Master Chief and his Spartan training. I am a sucker for basic training stories, which explains my enjoyment of Bloodsport, GI Jane, Full Metal Jacket, and other things I've seen or read that include basic training as a basic character development tool. The story was pretty good too, you really get a sense of how bleak it is for humanity in the books. The game just doesn't translate that all too well. You get the feeling that it doesn't matter what happens because you will personally kick the shit out of every alien bastard and single handedly save the human race.

Basic Training is best experienced as a montage. I don't recommend 8 weeks of bullshit to the average jackass. I know you Marines get 12 weeks, and your genitals have clearly reaped the rewards, but I didn't join the Marines. I joined the Army. I liked the Army until the end of my second year, then I started not really caring. Obviously that was the first clue that I should find somewhere else to be. You don't want some jackass who doesn't care sent over to places like Iraq. I wouldn't want him in my foxhole. I actually got to the point where I didn't want me in my foxhole. Enough about that. I haven't been in the army since 1999.

Today marked the first day you could buy the original Star Wars Trilogy on DVD. Not the doctored "look how much George Lucas hates himself and others" version, but the original version. The one that actually changed science fiction movies. I emailed a picture to myself, but Cingular isn't in the mood today I guess.

Today I didn't touch the Xbox. You might want to see if the planets stopped rotating or something. Not that we even have nine planets anymore. First we stop pronouncing Uranus correctly, then we told Pluto to go fuck itself. Now what is Mickey Mouse's dog named after? I don't know, some fucking rock somewhere. This means they lied to me about something else in school. They have a lot to answer for, whoever they are.

Since I talk so much about video games here, I am posting what I would like to see happen with Call of Duty 3. I am in favor of the current Halo health system, where if you get hurt, you just wait under cover for your "shields" to regenerate, although I am interested in what it could be like to have a medic come and heal your ass. I just worry about that in multiplayer. Obviously the job of medic is going to be like being the goalie in gym class, no one wants to do it and they put the retard in the goal. If they can make it fun to be a medic then it could work. Maybe in the single player game you could have the option to play through as a medic on certain levels. Imagine being a medic on Omaha beach. I think that would keep you busy.

I want them to give me the option as the host to turn off weapons if I feel the need. Turning off scopes in a big level makes it more interesting in some ways. Nothing against scopes but it would be nice to customize the experience. Also, I would probably turn off shotguns in all situations except for playing headquarters. Shotguns are goddamned annoying. It would be nice if you could edit these options in the middle of the match also. I'm sure there are assholes out there that would abuse this power, but that's what negative feedback is for.

Speaking of middle of the match, it would be awesome if you could kick an annoying bastard in the middle of the match. Also, when you kick someone it should give you a reason option, so if you are kicking them for no negative reason, let's say you want your friend in the room and this stranger is in the way, it's a no hard feelings kick. However if you kick them for trash talking or camping, they are banned from reentering the room for let's say, 20 minutes or something. Perhaps you could set the time for their absence, in 5 minute increments. There could be a forever option too, but this option would have to require you to leave feedback about them.

It would also be nice if they could fix the lag problem with throwing smoke. I see no reason for my machine to shit itself because I tossed smoke. I've noticed on many occasions that there's a shitload of smoke on your screen, but no smoke at all on the screen of the person who just shot you. Another graphical glitch is when you have the flag and your back is to the wall, people on the other side of the wall can see the flag poking through. I've died on more than one occasion because of this, and I see no reason why this can't be fixed.

Also, in multiplayer it would be cool if you could use a flak 88. I imagine the cries of bullshit, many of which will come from me, but it would still rock. I could see it being used in regular deathmatch as well as search and destroy. This should also be an option to turn off if you're the host. Turning off all fixed guns or selecting which fixed guns you want would be awesome. That could inspire a new multiplayer mode where the flak 88 Germans have to take out something while the Americans have to stop them. That idea needs revision obviously.

Guess what happened this morning. Steve Irwin died. A stingray with poisonous barbs stabbed him through the heart. That is some shit. Apparently he was making some kind of film about dangerous sea creatures and swam too close to a fucking stingray. He should have stuck with the crocodiles. I wonder if there was some kind of warning or something that said "Stay away from the stingray Steve!" I actually feel sort of bad here for a moment or two. I don't know why. How many creatures had their buttholes explored by his thumb? Although to me it doesn't mean he deserved to die. Fuck the animals, especially the edible ones and the ones that inflitrate my house uninvited. Fuck them on TV with your Thumb. You're reading the rantings of a man who has seen another man with his arm up a cow's ass to the shoulder. He was searching for something. He wasn't wearing gloves. Maybe he was on a lifelong search for his keys. Did I spell his name right? Shit I don't know.

Here's a news article.

Despite all that I still feel bad for his family. I guess I was raised right then.

It's been a long time here. I have a few things to report, such as buying a house, but first I must say I have just spent the last 10 hours playing Call of Duty 2 on xbox live. This is my cry for help.

So we bought a house on a corner, and our closing day is September 15th. This unfortunately means we're moving on the 20th. Moving is for suckers. The bright side is it should be the last move for a while, since we own the place and all. Famous last words, you say? Fuck you. I can stay in the same situation for fucking eons, especially if it sucks. Not that this is going to suck, and that may be my downfall.

I've seen a bunch of movies in the last two months. Miami Heat, Pirates of the Carribean 2, Lady in the Water, The Matador, Clerks 2, Talladega Nights, and Snakes On a Motherfucking Plane. I want these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane. I hear Samuel L. Jackson agreed to do the movie on the strength of the title alone. Don't watch it expecting a good story, watch it expecting snakes on a motherfucking plane. If that's not enough, a chihuahua gets fed to an anaconda. It wasn't the same Anaconda that Ice Cube drove a pickaxe through as he called it a bitch. This Anaconda eats fucking chihuahuas. Yes I had to look that word up since I couldn't spell it.

Don't expect too much from Lady in the Water. It's just not nearly as good as Unbreakable. Miami Heat was absolutely awesome. In no way should you miss that movie. Pirates 2 was good, but not as good as the original. Bill Nighy is pretty good as Davy Jones. Clerks 2 is the funniest movie I've seen in years. It ranks up with The Ref for favorite comedy. Talladega Nights was funny enough, but I saw it the same day I saw Clerks 2 so it didn't make a good impression. The Matador is good. You get to see Pierce Brosnan try to kick a rat dog off his heel as he bangs this prostitute from behind. It's pretty fucked up.

That was your movie minute with me, the movie minute motherfucker. I SAID FUCK YEAH! Check out the hook while my dj revolves it.

Why does my sign in page for Blogger still tell me they are planning an outage for November 14th, 2005? I mean, they could send Michael Biehn back through time to stop the outage, but that would only lead to Terminator 3 and PG-13 naked female terminators. They specially make them without exposed boobs to better blend in with today's PG-13 society. Plus if you show Arnold actual naked tits, you are likely to cause some kind of singing episode, so we really don't want that at all.

The vacation looms on the horizon like 9 days of unorganized time. I have absolutely no idea what I should do over my vacation. I was thinking of watching a couple of new movies in theaters, but I'm not sure I have the money for such an outing. I am excited about not going to work for a week, but I equate that to someone getting cured of cancer and being happy they aren't dying anytime soon. I mean, it would be nice to be happy because you can go on living, but you can't do that without something to do, all you can do is just not die. That's my vacation, spending a week not working. The hardest part will be not playing xbox for the whole time and really wasting an opportunity. Although with a week of straight play, 24/7, I could be so goddamned good at Call of Duty 2 as to cause them to release a patch compensating for Jason. Imagine that in your update notes, compensated for Jason. Now Jason won't kill you every time he sees you, it's been reduced to every two out of three encounters. (This is truly me being full of myself. I lose much more often than I win, and die at least as often as I kill in that game. In straight deathmatch, I finish between 2nd and 4th out of eight players. Unless they're what I call clancocks).

That reminds me of all the nicknames I have for annoying behavior. There's a particular level with a silo in it that you can climb on top of. Those who do are towerbitches. I sometimes use towerwhore, but whore is usually saved for shotgunners. Then there's those camping motherfuckers who can only go on a killing spree when they hang out on a turret and catch those of us with real skill off guard. These are the turretfags. Much like the rocketfags of Halo2 (sing it like the Elton John song Rocketman, because it's you, you're the Rocketman) these people have no real skill with any weapons and must rotate from turret to turret to gain any points whatsoever. Then there's the camping cockknocker. We all know about campers. They sit in corners with shotguns and wait for you to walk by and not check your "danger corner." These are most often run into in levels with lots of houses.

Let's see, not much happens to me every day, so there isn't much to update. I could go on and on about work, but that even bores me after a while. Dad has been driving and driving, he should have a break in about a week or so. I have vacation coming up the week after next, which is long overdue. When you feel like quitting your job almost every day, it's about time to take a week off. I'm not sure where I'll go, but it's bound to be more fun than going to work every day.

The novelty of the Xbox has worn off, but the novelty of xbox live has not. I find myself searching for new games that are as much fun as Call of Duty 2. I have been playing it so much for so long, that when I tried to play Halo2 the other day, it really disappointed me. It sucks not being able to aim.

This month and next are shaping up to be excellent movie months. I'm looking forward to Superman and Pirates of the Carribean for sure. Then there's Miami Vice, which looks absolutely awesome. Of course, I'm a Michael Mann fanboy, so I would think that. Then of course, there's Clerks 2. Yes, you heard right. Jason Mewes not on heroin. I wonder what that's like. Also, Pinky and the Brain comes out on DVD at the end of July. Does animated comedy get any better?

Speaking of animated comedy, The Simpsons Movie is coming out next year. Indeed, there is much to look forward to. If you were contemplating suicide, this should give you a temporary respite.

I watched Xmen 3 Saturday afternoon. I'm not sure how to take it. I liked it well enough. It was entertaining to watch and all that, but it didn't have the same feel that Xmen 2 had. It's also hard for me to discuss this without revealing spoilers. Let's just say that three characters die, and Nightcrawler is nowhere to be found. Also Bullet Tooth Tony is Juggernaut. I didn't realize Juggernaut was British. I can't remember his real name, Vinnie Jones or something? Anyway, two of the characters I cared about, and the other was kind of meh. The whole thing centers around a cure from this mutant whose mutation is to reverse mutations. How he doesn't reverse his own mutation I don't know. I'm just supposed to accept this apparently. So, through a process they don't go into in the movie they extract his anti mutant mutation and weaponize it. They also offer it as a cure. Obviously this pisses off all mutants and gives Magneto his scapegoat to rouse all mutants to revolution, so expect one anti human speech after another. Two important characters from the last two movies lose their mutation, but they pull some typical shit like the comics did with Superman. They kill him, then they bring him back, then they kill him, etc. They use this to set up a sequel. It's worth watching for special effects, maybe. It's better than other movies I watched for that purpose, such as Final Fantasy The Spirits Within, and The Day After Tomorrow, which had serious flaws. Really I should have learned my lesson a long time ago when it comes to stuff like this. Did I learn nothing from the Wild Wild West?

Overall, I say watch it, but maybe wait for a rental. It's good enough to spend some money on anyway. I managed to spend only $5.75, so if you can see it in the theater for that price, then by all means.

On a side note, I think Dad is watching Shaft. I will always recognize bow chicka bow. Who indeed is the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?

I haven't been online much lately. Well, on the computer anyway. I've been absorbed by Call of Duty 2 on Xbox live. I just finished a game where we decided, as a team, to see how many times we could kill each other. I ended up with -58 kills, but this other guy had -141. I kept killing Germans though. that takes away from my score. It was kind of lame, but amusing nonetheless.

Dad has passed his tests and should be getting here around 7-8am. He gets 5 days off once he gets here, and then he goes out driving solo and getting paid proper. I'm looking forward to having him here, haven't seen him in about a month.

Saturday we are going to see Xmen 3. Before we see it we will eat at this Japanese restaurant called The Shogun. They cook the food in front of you and serve it up with rock and roll. I'm not so sure about the movie, but I've wanted to see it. I have a bad feeling that it will suck. The "hip" beat in the trailer was my first clue. We'll see. I might remember to post some thoughts, and I might not. Anyway, I'm sure there are people online who need to get their asses handed to them. I'm off.

July the twenty fifth is the day to look out for. That's because Pinky and the Brain releases on DVD that day. Also releasing that day, and this is no coincidence, is the Animaniacs. They are zany to the max. I practically require these things. Buy one for yourself and for a friend. Show Warner Brothers you are glad they finally got off their asses.

So, apparently some cock craving chucklefuck decided to submit a negative review of me on xbox live, saying that I was exhibiting unsportsmanlike conduct. (Really, unsportsmanlike conduct is not using a weapon provided, it's team killing or just sitting there not helping your team when you have no reason not to do so). Having played a match with a bunch of people calling me and this other guy shotgun whores, I think I know who was being the dick. Really, why is the shotgun there except to be used by fuckers like me? It's not like I modded the game so only I have the shotgun. Dumbasses. How hard is it to kill me before I get within 10 feet of you anyway? It's not like you can snipe with the shotgun. I just don't get it. Call me a shotgun whore if you want, I don't care, but don't give me a negative review because I schooled your ass with it.

The other thing I was doing, and this is me being an asshole, was tossing smoke grenades in all fucking directions. Again, I figure if I have one, I might as well throw it before I get killed. It's wasted otherwise. Besides, you shouldn't be using the sniper rifle on a small level anyway, asshole. Clouds of death.

Dad should be home in about 12 days or so. He should be driving up here in a big ass truck. I'll try to have the lawn mowed by then. I hate doing that. But the Goddamned grass will grow and grow unless I march my pasty ass out there and mow it. It's one of those things.

And now a taste of what I'm listening to:

Cockroaches on the walls
Crabs crawling on my balls
Oh but I'm so clean cut
And I just want to fuck some slut
I love living in the city.

A lot of shit has happened since the last entry. Although in that span of time I haven't managed to clip my nails, which makes typing interesting at best. Hang on.

There. Let's see. We had inventory last week, which sucked so much ass I'm still feeling the hickeys. This next week I'm on nights because we have to reset the electronics modular, and the home office thinks we have 12 feet more space than we do because they can't get it through their supid fucking heads that we are only 99,000 square feet, not 140,000 or some such shit. They are busy sorting that out now. I suppose I should head in to work today to find out what to do about the fact that my department won't be worked for the next week. I have bad feelings about this. I just finished cleaning up after the inventory people who, of all things, managed to mess up most of my onhand counts. Most people wouldn't think that was a big deal, but the computer automatically orders stuff. If it doesn't know how much is on hand, it will either order way too much, or not order anything, neither of which is satisfactory. I don't have a big back room, and I hate being out of stock because people piss and moan, and I miss sales. I wonder if the moaning sounds like zombies. I should try moaning like that the next time I have to go.

The other thing that happened is we bought a new car. It is a 2004 Cavalier with a 4 cylinder engine, five speed transmission, and 19,300 miles on it. We got it for $8,500. By the time we pay all the payments, it will cost $13,000, so we are interested in making larger payments. The less we pay the better. Odd how paying more means paying less. Anyway, I was able to increase speed up a hill comparable to taking route 13 north out of Ithaca towards the Pyramid Mall from 50 to 75 mph, and in 5th gear at that. I was happy. The stereo sucks, but it has a cd player. It just farts instead of putting out bass. It works fine other than that. Dad is almost done with his training, which should mean we get to see him in a couple of weeks. After that he starts making the real money. Well, I've got like fifteen minutes to get ready, so I'm going to go.

Last night a number of interesting and rare things happened. I was playing Hexic HD with a friend, which is to say he was playing and I was giving advice. If you've ever played the game you will see how this is possible and potentially helpful. We actually got three black pearls to form a cluster. If you had told me last week that I would have participated in such a thing I would have not believed you in a forceful manner.

After this we decided to drive to Decatur to procure alcohol. I bought a 6 pack of Blue Moon, Mike's hard berry lemonade (Hard berries motherfucker. See a doctor.), and three different flavors of Boones Farm. I'm not kidding. Fucking Boones Farm. It has been a very long time since I bought alcohol if I'm sitting around and buying Boones Farm. I drank a whole bottle of it last night. It was like Koolaid with a sparkling fermented flavor, though I think NyQuil is stronger.

I'm not sure how Mom will take the presence of alcohol in the fridge, but I will do my best to get it out of there as soon as possible. I'm not sure she will take comfort in that either. I would try to invite people over to help consume it but I think every girl in town is pregnant, and the men are too busy beating them and hiding their shoes to participate. Not even for beer and the Xbox 360 will they stop beating their pregnant wives and girlfriends. Nothing like screaming first person violence in high definition. It seems I must undertake this task all on my own. It won't be easy, but I'll get it done. I have an excellent work ethic.

I was just sitting here listening to Blur, when I began to wonder if their lead singer is the same as the one for the Buzzcocks. I suppose I could look it up. While I'm thinking about music, I will recommend you listen to the Johnny Cash version of Personal Jesus. Much better than Marilyn Manson, surprise surprise.

Apparently Dad has to wait around for up to seven days while they wait for a trainer to be available. The good news is he is still getting paid $50/day to sit around, but the bad news is that there won't be a paycheck until he is able to make a delivery. I'm glad I'm not stuck somewhere with my thumb in my ass with no power to change the situation. I can pull my thumb out of my ass at any moment. He has to call a locksmith.

I was astonished to discover that I sold over 600 bags of ice Easter weekend. It was over ninety degrees both days, so it makes sense I guess. I told the ice delivery guy how much I sold, and he proceeded to tell me that a store thirty minutes away went through twelve pallets last weekend. There's 200 bags to a pallet. I couldn't begin to store that much ice at once. I am jealous. 2400 fucking bags. It makes me wonder what being busy really means around here.

So I talked to Dad today and he says he's all done taking tests. He thinks they will be taking off tomorrow at 1 or so to start on the road training, for which he gets paid $350/week. Once the trainer thinks he's ready, he gets signed off on, and goes to $0.29/mile. At 10 hours a day, 63 mph, that equals 630 miles per day, which adds up to 4,410 miles per week. That adds up to $1,278.90 per week minus taxes. (Today's post brought to you by the letter F, and by the number 1,278.9). That's not too shabby. I got 63 mph from the fact that their trucks are governed at 63 mph. For the uneducated, that means they can't go any faster than that. I was riding with a guy when he discovered that his Camaro is governed at 120mph. That was pretty fun.

Today was damned boring. I got to do a lot of thinking, and ended up calling myself a biscuit whisperer. You can see how productive my imagination is when I'm making up stuff to do. I don't fix people's problems with biscuits, I fix biscuits' problems with people. Picture me telling dark secrets to a bag of frozen biscuits. I don't know why you would picture that though. Prepare to receive my bad medicine.